Remember that Show, Lie to Me?
It came on fox for like a second and a half? I liked it. I thought it would teach me how to read other people’s facial expressions. But mostly it just made me hate that actor. What was his name? Ugh, I’ll just call him Half-British McAltoid. No, I don’t know why.
You Don’t Have to Have a Twist Every Time
The “big twist” in this episode was that the guy who wants to become a vampire isn’t just doing it because he’s an idiot; he’s also an idiot with implied incurable brain cancer.
Way to bum us all the hell out, Whedon.
Also, I was fine with him just being an idiot. We all would have been, because we all knew that kid in high school who worked actively to be extremely depressed and disturbed. Usually there was a whole group of them. They would have looked straight and Spike and gone, “Let’s do this before my mom gets home; I want to show her how effed up I am, and also Home Improvement will be on later and I want to watch that. Wait, did I say Home Improvement? I meant….. Danger Murder … Psycho… Housepets?”
I KNEW IT!
Giles, aka RIPPER, aka I KNEW IT!
Wait, what exactly did I know?
Giles is somewhat demon-possessed? Or something. Anyway, he’s a lil freaky. AND SO I WIN.
Remember, Boys and Girls:
Frat parties are filled with life-threatening danger. All of them. Never go to one, ever. EVER.
Frat boys are not just horny idiots, they will also INEVITABLY spike your drink, tie you up, and feed you to a demon. What’s that, scared child? Your dad was in a fraternity in college? Yikes… sucks to be you. You’re probably part demon-child.
Alcohol will get you killed. No matter if you’re the offing slayer, drinking somewhat responsibly because you’re responsible for saving the world every twenty minutes. If you take one swig, that’s it. Lights out. Fed to a demon.
Holy Shit, This is Scary
Again, kudos to parents like mine who did not let their children watch this. I just did the math (yes I had to use my computer’s calculator, would you like me to calculate a tip on my fingers in front of you, too?) and I was 8 when this episode occurred. EIGHT.
Watching it at 25, I was a little goosebumped.
Xander, You Slut
Again, he claims to be in love with Buffy, but here’s a hot undead monster chick and bam– Buffy who?
If this is what high school boys were like, I’m glad I never dated one.
….. no I’m not, I’m still talking to my therapist about it. But I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I’m Erin, and I’m fine. (sobs quietly)
Well, Hello, Spike
Look at you, you tall drink of bleach-blonde water.
I have one question for you: Do you see the Malfoys every Christmas, or just at family reunions?
Oh Hi Mom, You Absentee Parent, You
Mom! Where did you come from? Been working at the gallery again? Unconcerned about a child who is clearly deeply disturbed… I mean, crucifixes in her room, long pointy wooden stakes in her laundry all the time, unexplained bruises, and, perhaps worst of all, bangs one week and no bangs the next?
If my mom had a daughter constantly flip-flopping on the bangs front, I’d be in a mental institution now, you guys.
Fairytales: High School Edition
…could be another name for this series. You liked Frankenstein? We can do that… we’ll have football player monster wanting a cheerleader prom date Mrs. Monster! What’s next, Joss Whedon? If three big hairy gay men and a blonde chick show up I swear…..
(….didya get it? Goldilocks and the three bears?)
Psychoanalyzing The Buffster
The Buffy wiki, in its summary of this episode, claims that Buffy is “showing textbook signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.”
IT’S A SHOW ABOUT CHILDREN FIGHTING UNDEAD MYTHICAL CREATURES. Let’s all take a deep breath.
The Master is Dead…. That Was Easy
After a whole season of him being an asshat, that was easy.
Boringbeanzz in the Title Credits!!!!
Does this mean I get to see him shirtless soon?
Grow Some Balls or Just Shut Up, Xander
Every other episode, Xander is pining over Buffy, planning to ask her to the prom, or otherwise talking about his loves for, lusts over, and dreams about her.
But then every OTHER other episode, he’s perfectly content to be her friend, gets a couple digs in at Angel, and goes on with his goofy golden-retriever-personalitied life.
SHOW UP OR SHUT UP, BRO.
Wait…. or maybe this is how boys showed their affections in high school.
….Is this why I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was in college?!
Gratuitous Violence, Where?
Damn you Joss Whedon! I should not have been as okay with seeing a room full of murdered high schoolers as I was just now. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY PSCYHE?
End Season 1
So…. Buffy has died, been resurrected, quit her job as slayer, and been reinstated… all in the span not just of one season but one episode.
How ya gonna top that, Season 2?
Ah, the 90s. Ah, teenage dramas. I never watched it, but I imagine this show is a lot like One Tree Hill, except add some occult themes and combat scenes.
Let’s deal with the tough issues, the producers said.
It’s almost like the monster of the week theme. Last week: witches and being nice to your mom. This week: invisible children and bullying. Next week: who knows? Demon goats and anorexia (you don’t have to eat everything you see– especially not tin cans– but you do have to eat something!)
I guess, watching this years in the future, I have been spoiled by plots that work incredibly hard to help the audience bridge logical or unrealistic gaps. In an episode where everyone in the world’s nightmares are coming true, I mean… it’s a really, really cool plot idea, but everyone? Someone out there (likely more than one someone) is going to have the nightmare that all humans are actually aliens, thus changing everything. And you KNOW some philosophy doctoral student would dream that we don’t even exist at all…. end of reality, end of world, end of show.
But yeah. Good try, Buffy. Stick to small-town happenings in lil old Sunnydale.
I’m still not sure if I’m impressed with Whedon or disturbed… his use of children as bait, evil villains, et cetera is rivaled in ballsiness only by his use of women as simultaneous damsels in distress and kickass savior. I’m imagining he has spent a good deal of time talking with his therapist about his mother.